Communication in the workplace can make or break a project. How can we interact with our teammates in a respectful way while keeping each other accountable. Let’s have a look at some examples of dysfunctional communication patterns, reflect and learn how to do better together.
Communication in the workplace as a collection of transactions
There are many ways of looking at human interactions, but one of the most straightforward approaches is something called Transactional Analysis designed by Eric Berne. Transactional analysis originates in psychoanalytic therapeutic approach but the application extends the therapist’s office.
The research shows that when team members are educated on the concepts of transactional analysis, the quality of work life improves, including communication in the workplace. The essence of the theory suggests that in a dyadic interaction, meaning one-to-one, both sender and receiver have one of the three ego states – Parent, Adult and Child. Even without more information on each of these states, you can probably guess that adult coworkers should strive for adult-to-Adult interactions.
Still, how do these ego states relate to communication in the workplace?
Beware! You might recognize yourself in these descriptions and situations, but don’t panic. This doesn’t label you or others as a bad person. In fact, one of the foundational principles of Transactional Analysis is the belief in the inherent “OKness” of every individual. In other words, everyone has an intrinsic right to exist in the world and be treated with safety and equality. While someone’s behaviors might be unacceptable or problematic, their fundamental rights and worthiness don’t change. The theory suggests that the communication tendencies we will look at in a minute stem from our childhood. They evolved as strategies to deal with moments when we felt threatened. However, with awareness, they can be unlearned, and the first step is to notice them in our behavior. With that in mind, let’s learn about the Ego States Model.
Ego states model
To put it simply, the Parent state manifests as bossy or protective behavior towards coworkers. This could be someone ordering others around or jumping in to “save” their less experienced colleagues or peers. On the other end, the Child state shows up when someone acts based on their feelings triggered by childhood experience rather than the situation at hand. Someone in this state can get upset easily, struggle to follow rules and insist on doing things their own, fun way.
In contrast, the Adult state creates a sense of balance between accountability and respect for individuality. It makes everyone feel heard and valued. Individuals operating from this state communicate openly, address problems based on facts, and view emotions as informative insights rather than guiding forces.
Note that one person can react from all of these states. What state are you in when you get hungry?
In the next section, we will have a closer look at the most common ineffective interactions to get a better understanding of what can go wrong.
Communication in the workplace: Parent and child behaviours
Criticising Parent
The act of criticizing can often be attributed to a controlling or critical Parent ego state. This state manifests from the lessons and attitudes we’ve internalized from authority figures in our childhood. However, constant criticism, instead of constructive feedback, can create a negative environment. This mode can demotivate team members, lower their self-esteem, and reduce overall productivity so it’s better to communicate feedback differently.
Interfering Parent
Over-involvement or micromanagement could again be seen as stemming from the Parent ego state, specifically the controlling aspect. This represents a need to oversee or control others’ actions. This is especially relevant in the manager-report relationship. Over-involvement in the tasks of your team members and reports or micromanagement stifles their creativity and independence, which can lead to frustration and decreased job satisfaction.
Inconsistent Child
Inconsistency might be seen as stemming from the Free Child or the Adaptive Child ego state, wherein behaviors or responses are not consistent because they’re either acting without restraint (free) or seeking approval (adaptive). Inconsistency in behavior or communication can cause confusion and uncertainty around the person’s behavior. We are not robots, so nobody expects others to behave the same way all the time. Afterall, it’s normal to have a bad day. The problem is when others start to worry about upsetting the ‘child’ and might avoid communicating suggestions for improvements and feedback because it is difficult to predict their reaction.
Over-adapted Child
An over-adapted interaction likely comes from the Adaptive Child ego state, which wants to avoid conflict. This tendency can be a result from earlier life experiences where one learned that being agreeable or avoiding confrontation was the safest or most rewarding reaction. Some might think, what’s wrong with being nice and polite? Well, excessive compliance or a reluctance to express opinions, objections, or ideas out of a fear of conflict can lead to an imbalance in workplace communication and hinder progress of the over-adapter.
Oppositional Child
Opposite of the overadaptive child is the rebellious Free Child ego state, which seeks to challenge authority. Thinking about the risks and validating assumptions is crucial in engineering. However, constant contradiction and opposition without valid reasoning, can prevent a team from moving forward with decisions and actions.
Reckless Child
Reckless behavior can be attributed to the Free Child ego state. The Free Child acts on impulse without considering consequences or boundaries, much like a child who knows little about societal rules. Impulsiveness and disregard for rules, protocols, or the feelings of others can create chaos and potential interpersonal conflicts.
Parent and child behaviours takeaway
The good news is that we can switch between these ego states depending on the situation, our mood, or other influencing factors. It’s also worth noting that the Parent and Child ego states can have both positive and negative impact on communication in the workplace. For example, the Free Child can be creative and spontaneous and thus generates energy in the team, but recklessness can negatively impact the growth and learning of the one enacting such behavior. The Adaptive Child can be cooperative, but their over-compliance might lead to avoiding voicing concerns. Consequently, the team can go in the wrong direction.
Preventing dysfunctional interactions in the workplace
As you might remember from the introduction, training in Transactional Analysis can help us recognize our ego states and understand the dynamics at play during interactions. We can consciously choose to operate from our Adult ego state and encourage more effective and balanced communication in the workplace. But how does one operate from the Adult state? The recipe is short:
- Practice self-awareness: Understanding one’s own typical ego states and how they influence interactions is a crucial step. Start by reflecting on your interactions in the past two weeks. Which ego states do you find yourself in? Try to journal or note down situations, reactions, and feelings to track these patterns.
- Manage your Self: Learning to transition into the Adult ego state, even when emotionally triggered is the ultimate dream in Transactional Analysis. When you catch yourself slipping into a non-Adult ego state, especially during stressful situations, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What would the OK part of me say or do?” Try grounding yourself by counting to ten or taking a short walk, to help transition into your state of “OKness”.
- Manage your relationships: Navigating interactions with others with empathy and understanding. We are often unaware of what our coworkers around us go through so avoid judging others as well as yourself for what you observe. Imagine a team member acts from a critical Parent state. As you notice their Ego state, you realize that at least one of you needs to communicate from an Adult state to avoid conflict. What now? Take a deep breath, try to strip down the critical language and respond to the core of what is being communicated with arguments. You might want to provide feedback too, if the behaviors occur frequently.
Conclusion
Easier said than done!
I said the recipe is short, not that it is easy. We cannot change how others communicate but by distinguishing between a person’s core value and their actions, we can focus on the problem at hand which helps avoid conflicts. In the same way, we can reflect on our own behavior and interaction by interaction, we can improve our communication without judgment.
If you are becoming a fan or Transactional Analysis and find yourself yearning for more and learning about the team communication in the workplace, try to get your hands on Working Together.
Originally published at HackerNoon.com